[Rewrite of Title] “Cat from Hell: PlayStation 5 Cat Simulator Review”

Alright, so here’s the thing with “Cat From Hell – Cat Simulator.” You’d think with a name like that, there’d be some epic feline chaos, but nah, not so much. I mean, you start with this wild scenario: Christmas night, Santa dropping off a troublesome kitty — like a furball of doom, right? — but it kinda fizzles.

So, picture grandma’s house, your playground of mischief, and you’re this cat who’s supposed to be, what, a tornado with paws? Shredding curtains, toppling vases, the whole shebang. But the game just… it misses the mark.

Whoever cooked this up at Upscale Studios must’ve had a jolly notion. Trouble is, your mission — framing another cat for your mess — gets messy in all the wrong ways. You sneak around, pull a fast one with some antiques, and wait for the fireworks. Except grandma… her AI is like watching paint dry. Seriously. She gets stuck on furniture. It’s almost laughable if it weren’t such a slog. Makes you wonder, was this intentionally lame or just bad luck?

I caught myself sighing a lot. You try to set up these perfect little scenes to pin blame on the visitor cat, and what happens? Grandma just glitches, or the game flips a coin and blames the wrong furry. In one weird twist, the other cat got stuck in a couch — jammed in there like yesterday’s laundry. Grandma bought it, though, thought he was guilty! Talk about blind justice.

The first-person view, oh man, it’s like looking through a foggy fishbowl, and the graphics are something out of the early 2000s, you know? PS2 vibes but in all the ways you wish it wasn’t. Paw animations, the audio clips; you might as well be listening to a mixtape from a potato.

Oh, and trophies… don’t even. There’s no Platinum. If you’re a trophy hunter, move along. Sandbox mode is there, but without the rival cat, it’s just you and grandma in a game of wait-for-something-happen.

Came into this escapade hoping for light-hearted holiday shenanigans, but alas, it feels like stringing together a paper mache project in a rainstorm. Even at a price tag that cheap, save those five bucks unless you’re collecting tales of gaming mishaps.

Anyway, I’ll cut this loose here. If you’re in the mood for some real chaos, you’re better off spinning your own yarn, honestly.

Disclaimer: Review’s based on a copy from Upscale Studios — they didn’t bribe me with cookies, if you’re wondering.